Moving forward

Just because the agreement is made that you wanna move forward does NOT change the way you feel about the situation. Your actions from then and forward will debate if you can REALLY move forward or not. No you don't wanna be reminded of your past but you have to understand that your forthcoming actions just might put you in that position. But yea .. Lets try AGAIN for the millionth time to move "forward" and hopefully it works this time. 

Now what?

I think im gonna strt searching for attention elsewhere 😔 .. The way i'm unhappy is something different .. I'm a woman i love love&affection .. && i havent been getting much of that here where i been for over a year .. 😔 .. I dont want to give my time to anyone else but wat else is there to do ? 😔 i wish amazing was still alive. The way i was always respectfully tended to is exactly what i need right now .. I need you and its wen yu want to be available .. 😔 .. Theres always another preference .. I jus want to be wanted i want to be loved i want to be appreciated .. Now ur gonna say .. "So i dont do those things??? You dont want me to NOT to those things" .. && ur not noticing that ur not being consistent 😔 .. Consistency is VERY important in a relationship .. I dont think ive ever wanted something this bad from ONE person for this long and more .. && our "situation" has absolutely nothing to do with it. I live i laugh i love .. But even still im not always happy .. 😔 .. So now what ? 

worth what?

worth what if you dont know how to act? worth what if everything .. every little thing breaks you ? worth what if he doesn't want to to stay ? worth what if he's use to laughing but you make him cry? worth what if you break the one thing that means the world to him ? worth what if you can toss that out the window? worth what? worth nothing.

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Your chest

As i lay here on your chest i start to think. Why do i love him so much? What is it that he does that no one else has or can do? For some strange reason these questions remain slightly unanswered. All i know is that you give me the world in an envelope with a white rose attached. Everytime one passes you replace it like a rebirth. Our love so much like a white rose laying, resting, parlaying on your chest. Pure love. Clean and untampered with. The dying process is each argument, disagreement, issue, problem we have thats dying and then a blossom, a replacement a rebirth of our pure love safely placed on your chest. Protected by any means necessary. Sweetly uniting us heart to heart linking our minds soothing our souls and caressing our hearts our everlasting pure white rose death and rebirth safely on your strong warm and loving chest.

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Just don't get it ..

After last night, I figured the way things would be between us would tweak a little bit. I mean, not completely change but just tweak. The way we handle our issues. I did a good job so why can't he? I know there is something on his mind thats bothering him but he won't tell me. He would just push me away. How can we grow if he won't talk to me? I really just don't get it. We are suppose to be the perfect couple that argues and then talk about it. That's how we wanted to be and it happened for some time but not all the time. I wonder if its me. Am I doing something wrong? I just don't get it.

So iin love ..

I love that he goes out of his way to make me happy and comfortable. He walks from west bubble fuck just to see and spend time with me. He stays with me at night. He gets me food. He kisses my feet just to make me happy. (He hates feet). He kisses my booboos. He holds me tight. There is so much more but to make a long story short, he CARES and he LOVES like no other. We argue like we hate each other just to make up and apologize and to kiss and go back to loving. (Not that we ever stop). We love each other so much that we hate each other and I love every moment, minute, second of it. He is the absolute BEST in being my boyfriend that he upgraded to being my husband without the paper work. My POV is fuck the paper work. I dedicate myself to you, you dedicate yourself to me so when the money is there to celebrate our loved with our friends, family and loved ones and to have a million honeymoons in the course of a year then that will be done. But as of right now, the title is there and I have officially signed my heart over to you. Like you say, "You are my world," You are my everything. Life without it isn't a life lived. Your the something like the best thing that ever happened to me more like the greatest blessing that I've ever received and never will I ever let you go. I live laugh love you Naquain Willoughby COY. My Husband, my best friend, my lover to the end, my everything!

So..You..Say

SMh. I feel like I can't have consideration for anyone's feelings being in a relationship. My bestie has issues and hates life because he doesn't want to be single and relationships just aren't working out for him right at this point in time. So instead of shutting him down and saying I'm just going to talk to you tomorrow my boyfriend wants me to say "I'm chilling with my boyfriend so I'm going to talk to you tomorrow." Or maybe something along the lines of that. I understand that its after hours and its bad enough that I haven't been hanging out with any of my friends lately and they all pretty much hate me and want to curse me out every time we speak but at the same time, not being there for a friend knowing that they need you is over doing it. And then to top it off, I'm basically rubbing it in their face saying well I have a significant other and you don't so fuck you until I have time for you makes it even worse. But my point of view is bullshit, as usual. Nothing new though. Then I get the "Well I wonder if she's claiming me?" Or "Is she doing funny shit?" Like seriously, what am I to do? Can't have the best of both worlds I see. Trust is going "THAT WAY," I feel. And all I could do is SMh and say, "So you say .. "