Who are you?

Who are you to come into my life and captivate my heart like you had good to do with it? Who are you to feed me bullshit and tell me that it was good for me? Who the fuck are you? Who are you to use me for my time, energy, money, body and talent? Who are you to degrade my personality with your actions? Who the fuck are you? You are no better than I am! No one is better than I am! I am a beautiful bitch. Smart Cool and Funny. I'm more than generous and genuine and I have nothing but love for everyone. Even those that hurt me. I know who I am but who the FUCK ARE YOU? Who gave you permission to treat me like you cared and then take it all away? Who said it was okay to make me think that we were building, getting stronger and with time and effort we would be the best of the best? What made you think it was okay to NOT care about me when I did nothing but care for you? Who are you to accept my all and give nothing in return? For months at a time my world, my life and my heart revolved around you! And now that you're not into me any more you find it okay to just treat me like I never mattered like I hurt you like I'm a bad person. Fucking with you helped me to realize what kind of person I am. I give and don't take I just wait my turn to receive. And now that nothing but pain has come of that I don't feel comfortable trusting anyone the way I trusted you. I could never give my heart, mind and soul to another unless I get theirs first. I'm washing my hands of your blood. I refuse to  be treated this way because I don't know who the FUCK YOU ARE ANYMORE!

Stealing "So Beautiful"

You're my honey
My lover, my baby
Every night you make me
Want you and I go crazy
I feel like I
Was made for you, baby
Tell me if you
Feel the same way

'Cuz this just feels so right
I don't want to squander no time
If i ever had to choose I'm sure
I will always choose to be with you
Boy don't you know

You're so cute,
I wanna give my all to you
Not just tonight but the rest of my life
I'm gonna be always there by your side.
You're so cute,
I wanna give my all to you

Not just tonight but the rest of my life
I'm gonna be always there by your side.

When I'm alone,
You don't know how much I miss you
The only thing on my mind
I how much of me I can give to you
We are so fine
Tell me if you
Feel the same way

'Cuz this just feels so right
I don't want to squander no time
If i ever had to choose I'm sure
I will always choose to be with you
Boy don't you know

You're so cute,
I wanna give my all to you

Not just tonight but the rest of my life
I'm gonna be always there by your side.
You're so cute,
I wanna give my all to you

Not just tonight but the rest of my life
I'm gonna be always there by your side.

"So Beautiful" In my own way

Stanza1: You are mine and you make me want you so bad that I go crazy. I think we were made for each other. Do you feel the way I do?
Stanza2: Being with you feels like it's suppose to be that way. Time is of the essence so let's not waste it. I know that no matter what happens you will be the one I always want to be with.
Stanza3: You are so gorgeous and you are the only one I want to give my love to. For the rest of my life I'll always be with you.
Stanza4: When you're away I miss you so much. You're always on my mind and I'm always thinking of how much I can give you. Do you feel the same way?

Why What's up?

Wait. Which Short Stuff are you talking about? The one that I met at Belville Manor? The one I had no interest in at first because his hair was a mess? The one who lured me in by staring into my eyes? The one I missed the same day I met him? The same Short Stuff that promised that we could go to Ripley's believe it or not but never came through with it? The one that ignores which ever text messages that he wants? The one I love no matter how much he pisses me off? The short stuff that says we're building even though I'm not sure we are? Isn't he the same guy that's always screaming his head off? That's the guy that never feels bad or sorry but might feel a way about something right? The DJ that runs hood streets? The one that all my friends hate? The guy I never have anything nice to say about but is the one I want to be with ? Yeah. I know him. Why What's up?

So Beautiful

In the song "So Beautiful," Musiq Soulchild discusses his feelings for his lover. He explains to her where she stands in his life and the affect that she has on him. He dedicates himself to loving her and being with her and that is the one thing that most females want within their relationship. I love this song because I can really relate to his feelings for his lover. This is mostly a summary of how a female would feel towards her lover. Sometimes men don't express their feelings towards their lover. It isn't considered "manly." So for him to sing a song as such would definitely touch his girlfriend's heart and really appreciate him and his feelings towards her.

No Title.

I don't want a title! Like a story, title limits things! How far will we get with a title? A title will always bring problems. Things are going to come up like thoughts and people and things you've done that you weren't suppose to and then the title begins to lose importance. People get tempted to do bad things when put in certain situations. With a title, more hurt comes about when these bad things come about and the story changes. Like a story, a title has to be related to the story being told so you won't learn the insides and out, the possibles and impossibles. I don't want a title! When you title a story before it's written , all your thoughts and expressions has to be revolved around that title but without one, any level can be reached , any thought counts and can and will be incorporated so I don't want a title. A story is more open without a title. The characters don't have to limit themselves to this one particular topic and can be open with the other character with just about anything and then they become best friends. Just like there's rules to a story, whether there is a title or not, like sticking to the tense you start with, and capitalizing names and important places, relationships have rules. These rules should be broken down in the beginning just like it is in a story. The main rules should definitely be the three main moral imperatives of life. The morals that keep people together and often separate people when not followed through correctly and those morals are honesty, loyalty and respect. Once this is broken down and followed through, the limit to where relationships can go is sky high and cannot be broken, disturbed or even touched by anyone else but the two main characters. But long story short, the main characters are you and I and there's no telling what our story is or will be about because there is no title. Lets just make it the best story ever and title it in the end.

Not for me, Like for you

Often times i get confused about who we are to each other. I lay here and think i miss my short stuff and if i could i would just hop in a jet and scoop you before anyone even notices you left. Then i feel like you wouldn't do it for me like i would do it for you. It's common for me to put the works aside to please you, to put life on hold to be with you, to push the people around me a bit to the side to make way for you to come through. But you wouldn't do it for me, like i would do it for you. I remember the time you had to marinate the first time i told you no. What you got out was totally different than what I tried to explain. You said "Well I guess I'm not important." I dare not use that phrase on you how dare you on me? I have more than right to though. Curse those who disagree because you wouldn't do for me like I would do for you. I don't wanna be your second or last resort. It's a turn off when you say "Okay let me see what I'm doing first and I will let you know." To me, that's a nice way to say "You're not as important as everything else. So if i don't have anything important to do then we can do what you want to do" while knowing that you have nothing to do. It's like saying, "I have nothing to do right now so we can do what you want to do but I don't want to so I'm going to look for something else to do." A simple no would have done the trick because you don't do for me like I do for you. I hate when you lead me on with the maybes knowing that odds are it's a no. A person with hope says maybe and has faith in a positive outcome but one such as myself, says maybe and expect the worst. Tell me no first and change your mind later because hopes and expectations incorporated with faith leads to disappointments. I love u so much I would do everything for you knowing you won't do for me and that hurts. What deeper pain can come of that? "Not for me like for you, hurts burns and is an emotional torch killing me slowly. One made to love but learning to hate. Having energy to hate love because it's not for me like it is for you.

Why?

I never enjoyed being in a cluster. Being with him all the time or always talking to him. I was just sort of annoying after a while but your different. Why is it so hard to NOT think about you? I always did my own thing whether he agreed or not. If he didn't like it, it was more like, too bad he'll get over it but things changed when I met you. Why does your opinion matter so much? To an extent, I'm open with you. I tell you everything worth dreaming, thinking and speaking. Hiding things isn't much of an option. Why is it hard to keep my secrets a secret? For some reason,  I don't move the way I would with anyone else. I'm scared to go in too deep even though I'm already in waist deep. I don't want to hear "well we're not in a relationship so chill with all that!" So if I feel a way about something, I won;t always act on it because that thought is there. Had I been confident the way you are, I would know that I wasn't going anywhere. But I could never be too sure.

Lost in Life

Who am I? What do I stand for? Where do I stand in Life? Why don't I know who I am? When will I find me? Better yet, How do I find me? I'm like a lost soul in this huge world. I know how I feel but I don't know how to express myself. I know my likes and dislikes but I alter it for the happiness of others. I would settle for what I don't want so that someone else can have the happiness that I feel I deserved. Somehow I feel like this would somehow bring blessings upon me. I'm afraid of being judged. I would love to live by the saying "Only God can judge me" and not care what everyone else thought or said. I would love to have the mentality that believes that since you don't put clothes on my back, food on my table, money in my pocket or a roof over my head, your opinion doesn't matter as much as someone who does. I take risks to prove something to myself. It's never because I actually want to. I care about how people feels about every and anything. I worry about offending other people. I worry about hurting others. I would rather get my heart broken than be the heart breaker. I would love until I can't love anymore if I want to. Who am I? I am a lost soul! I barely know what kind of life I want to live, who I want to live it with much less the morals I want to live by. Who am I? I feel like I grew up backwards. I wish to be the way I was when I was younger. I was so much wiser and could resist negative temptations. I could fight against things I didn't believe in, thought rationally and be love-able all at the same time. I wasn't as nervous as I have become now. Judgments to me in the past, no matter how harsh, were taken as constrictive criticism. it was an opportunity to change for the better. Who am I? Or better yet, Who have I become?

Following Mine.

Dear Short Stuff,
So everything you say matters to me. What ever you think, matters to me. Everything you do, matters to me. When you tell me something, often times, ALL the time, I just want to do it. You tell me jump and I die to respond how high, but pride in myself and independence is what holds me back. Even though I don't say how high, I might just rephrase it because I don't want to feel like your mutt. I want to feel equality here. I don't want to feel like you or I are of higher power. When doing things, I think, well how would he feel about this? And because your my significant other, I either don't do it or try not to mention it to you which is a lot harder that it sounds. I'm easily offended and I don't show it. But you say you know me so I would expect you to know when. Sometimes I feel a way unconsciously about the things you say and do, the way you always want to be right because you strongly agree with your view. I care but I can't agree with something I disagree with. That's less than my style and I won't change. Or will I? I don't want to make my decisions revolving around you for the simple fact that I am my own person and I want to follow mine. Something as small as me walking a few blocks to the two train instead of being lazy and taking a train to that train should never be an argument. Let me do what I want. It's a walk and I want to follow mine! I can direct myself with your help but not with you trying to just tell me what to do. I love you because you're one of the smartest people I know, you're truly sincere and your independence speaks a lot for you but don't use that against me. You of all people should know I don't like to be put on the spot since you know me so well and that's exactly what you did. I want to say what happens between us, stays between us but I wouldn't exactly be following that. But I'm going to make change. This is the relationship I've always asked for. Intimacy, Bonding, I'm there for you and you're here for me. I just hope and pray that I'm not putting in more than what your attempting to give. I'm more content than I was yesterday and I'm praying for a better tomorrow. I'm done expressing my love for you through the words I speak. I show you what I can and my goal is to love you better. I just hope you notice it.

Dreams

I dream of the day that when you call me, I could feel the way I did when the phone first rang your name. I dream of the day I first stared into your eyes. That was the day I first met you in Belville Manor and that same day you told me to be different from the rest that didn't last. I missed you as soon as you left and I didn't even know you.  I dreamed I would love you, and I do. I dreamed I would be there for you through thick and thin and still, I am. My dreams are what I prayed for us to be. I want you to want me and need you to love me. Even though I feel like I have you, I still want you. That's the only way to appreciate what's within reach. I appreciate you and the things you do to and for me. Your the dream I dreamed while growing up. Your the dream come true. This is what I prayed for, and this is what I got. I'm happy with it because this is what fits. Dreaming for anything more would complicate things. Asking for anything less would cause emptiness and unhappiness. Dreaming of you is what helps me get through. And so i dream on.

Comfort in the skin your in.

She has a dark forehead, a round face, bags under her eyes, open pores, dark spots all over her legs, ugly cuticles and an enlarged stomach (which by the way isn't that large at all). Her hair isn't as long as she would like it to be but she deals with it. Her arms are semi-hairy and all the veins pop out of her skin. Her eye sight is one stop away from being absolutely horrible and her teeth are not as straight as she thought they would be after her braces were taken out (she blames that on the dentist). She looks in the mirror and complains everyday before she leaves the house and then goes on with her day. Then she would see someone with a burned skin, one good eye and a bigger gut than she has and then she sees another person with no hair, a crazy mixture of acne and pimples, and crooked teeth and that is when she would find comfort in the skin she's in. She would run home and admire her big beautiful brown eyes, thick juicy lips, medium length thick hair, perfect height and the curves that she was blessed with. She would pray and thank God for the skin she's in, go to sleep and wake up with the same complaints as yesterday. Has she learned nothing? Appreciate, love and find comfort in the skin your in.